Please excuse my language. The Housewife is pissed off.
I’ve been holding off on posting about my douchecanoe neighbors. Not anymore. Here is a letter to my cuntnugget neighbors. (Excuse my language. I don’t typically speak like that. I’m so heated even that banana split I ate isn’t cooling me off.)
Dear twatwaffle and her asshole, the old prick and his douchecanoe son two doors up,
F*ck you! Seriously. You four have been nothing but a nightmare to live next door to since we moved in 4 years ago. We tried to be friendly. Then cordial. Then we just ignored your dumb asses. That didn’t work. You continued being complete ass clowns.
Your dogs attack our fence. They try to bite my children. They try to fight with my dog. You’re pets are mangy nuisances. Which the extreme hair loss like yours gets is NOT NORMAL! Try the vet. Instead of letting them suffer like they are get them medical treatment!
Then…then you cuntnuggets gang up on my husband? Because he parked in your SPOT? REALLY? You were completely inappropriate screaming and yelling at him. Especially Baldy McFatterson with your power tool. YOU DON’T EVEN LIVE THERE! It was none of your business! So yeah, I called the cops on you jagoffs. Good job trying to lie. What you didn’t know was that the cop is a Marine. Like my husband. They had a nice report going on.
Then you had to go and hack down my tree. Why? Why did you hack down my tree? I don’t give a flying rat’s fart in f*cking space if you thought it was a weed. I LIKED IT! It was in OUR yard. It was NOT in your yard! It was in OUR YARD! We have been nurturing and pruning that thing for FOUR YEARS! It was nothing more than a tiny little thing when we moved in! It was a beautiful tree! Young albeit but BEAUTIFUL! I liked that tree! I GREW THAT TREE! But you hacked it down.
And you lied when Greg asked you about it. My kids saw you cutting it down! There are two witnesses who saw you destroy our tree! So stop lying! And yes I believe my 5-year-olds over you. And you had to ruin our night. We had a good f*cking night! An awesome dinner out. We got ice cream. We had an awesome night and you RUINED it! You had to keep running your mouth. You couldn’t just shut the hell up and go in your pigsty house. You had to WAIT (which is extremely pathetic btw) on your porch for us to get home? Then threaten to have our children taken away? Why? Because you’re a bitter old hag? Because the only somewhat successful son you do have moved as far away from Pittsburgh as he could get so he didn’t have to see you? That the only son who does live with you is the loser who can’t even hold down a minimum wage job at McDonald’s?
So you called the cops. Why? Because you couldn’t handle having someone stand up to you? What you don’t like being confronted for being a miserable old hag?
Well you know what, all of you? F*CK YOU! All of you! I take solace in knowing that within a year my husband and I will own a nice home in a nice neighborhood. We will be happy. You will all still be living in your delapidated houses being miserable. You’ll all still be losers.
F*ck you very much,
The Pittsburgh Housewife.