Stop being a damned Grinch, you jagoff!


My children are 4-years-old.

They believe in Santa, some people do not. Mainly adults.

Apparently on Wednesday night WTAE ran something about the Elf on the shelf. According to the Elf on the Shelf book you do not talk about the Elf on the Shelf. Kind of like fight club for Santa. Kids saw the news story and are now questioning their parents. This is when you decide to say, “Hey kiddo, there is no Santa.” OR you think of a damned good excuse why news reporters are discussing the SUPER SECRET Elf on the Shelf. I would be one of the ones lying out my ass to the kids about how the new reporters are in BIG trouble and Santa has to make a special stop in Pittsburgh early to put them in bad adult Santa jail or something.

Well, there are awful, jagoffs who think that no kid should EVER believe in Santa. It’s such a waste of time and leads to heartbreak later. Really? Seriously? So my 4-year-olds need to just stop believing in a little bit of magic because YOU are a stingy, awful adult? So what my kids believe a big, fat man lives at the North Pole with his elves and reindeer. That doesn’t mean they don’t know the “true” meaning of Christmas. (Which I HATE that term. I really do.) They are not stingy. They like giving things away as much as getting. Hell, I like getting presents. I like giving presents. Do I give my entire salary to charity or volunteer at soup kitchens every Saturday? No, no I don’t. And I doubt 99.5% of the people who read this do.

I hate how kids are expected to just stop believing and grow up in the snap of a finger. Who cares if 12-year-old Suzie Q still believes Santa squeezes his fat, white ass down the chimney every year? So what if 5-year-old Johnny is delighted to see “hoof prints” in the yard? (that mom and dad made of course). Hell, I nibble carrots, eat the cookies, and drink the milk to make it look like Santa stopped by. Sometimes I even leave a thank you note like my mom did when I was a kid. And you know what…seeing that note made my entire year because Santa told ME thank you. Of course now I know it was my mom or dad, but back then I thought it was SANTA.

I don’t remember when I stopped believing. I just outgrew it I suppose. I had the occasional asshole in school try to tell me it wasn’t real, I ignored them because SANTA wrote ME notes on Christmas morning. But, as life happens…I just outgrew it. I grew up. I had kids of my own. I lived on my own and didn’t have magic presents just appear under my tree.

And that’s okay. Now…now it’s my turn to keep that magic going for my boys for as long as possible. If they want to stop believing next year…fine. I’ll still do all the “stupid” little things. If they want to believe until they’re 50 that’s fine to. I’ll keep doing stupid little things for them.

And if you don’t believe in the jolly, fat man, but have your own traditions that is awesome. I’d love to hear about them. I love to learn about other families/cultures traditions when it comes to holidays and I definitely want my kids to learn about it and understand that “Santa doesn’t visit everybody, and it’s not always because they’ve been naughty”. I know a lot of my friends can give me stories. I have Jewish friends, Hindu friends, Buddhist friends, Muslim friends, and friends that even after all this time I have no f*cking idea what the hell they are besides crazy enough to be friends with me and that’s okay because I still love em.

My issue is when the Grinchy jagoffs start expecting MY children to believe how they do (or lack there of) because they don’t like it.

If you’re one of those Grinch’s…do the rest of us Santa (holiday) loving folks a favor and don’t leave your house until after New Years. Some of us enjoy the fat man you know.

P.S. I am NOT politically correct. I saw Merry Christmas. If you want to tell me Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza, Happy Holidays, or whatever…that’s cool. But expect a hearty Merry Christmas from me!

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2 thoughts on “Stop being a damned Grinch, you jagoff!

  1. In a round-about way I found your article. I laughed and nodded my head reading this! I love your opinion because it is so true. Merry Christmas!

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