I hate my brain

I had my MRI and appointment with Dr. Friedlander yesterday.

I hate my brain.

The MRI came back all clear. Not a f*cking thing there. So I’m relieved but worried as shit.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Well, now we move on to the next step. A lumbar puncture. AWESOME! No, not really. I’m not looking forward to it…at all.

The lp will be used to measure the cranial pressure. Now that the doc knows there are no blockages, tumors, lesions, or anything else he’s thinking maybe I’m producing too much CSF. That’s what the lp will find out.

What if it is high CSF production? First, we try meds. If the meds don’t work…I go back under the knife for another “invasive” surgery. What kind of surgery? A f*cking shunt. I DON’T WANT A SHUNT!!!! I DO NOT WANT IT AT ALL!!!

What is a shunt? It is a hole or a small passage which moves, or allows movement of fluid from one part of the body to another. The term may describe either congenital or acquired shunts; and acquired shunts (sometimes referred to as iatrogenic shunts) may be either biological or mechanical.

Mine would be mechanical. Do you see why I hope the meds would work?

What if it’s not high pressure? Then he’s out of ideas and off to a neurologist I go because I’ve issues. Which I already know. I’m one gigantic issue.

I’m not a happy housewife right now.

I almost started crying in his office. I would have if there wasn’t 3 other people in there with me. Even if it was just Dr. Friedlander and Juliana I would have cried. But I didn’t know the PA yesterday. She was a stranger…I don’t like crying in front of people I know let alone strangers. I’m not a crier. I cry in private when I’m all alone and nobody can see my sniveling, whiny ass.

This is one time I’m glad that I already know everybody who’s helping me and who’s involved in my health care. A lot of people would be¬† put off by coworkers taking care of them…not me. Who else would be better with my health/life in their hands than people I know and trust? The nurses I work with are amazing. The residents are the nicest doctors I’ve ever met. Dr. Friedlander is so remarkably patient and nice. Why wouldn’t I want them to be there?

But that is neither here nor there right now. For the moment, it’s one day and one procedure at a time.



One thought on “I hate my brain

  1. Like I’ve said before, “I hope it is nothing major, and everything works out for you so you will be fine in no time. We’ll say a prayer for you.

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