I was so excited when I had the surgery done. No more headaches, no more fatigue, I could concentrate, focus and get shit done! I wanted IMMEDIATE results. I wanted to wake up and just start writing like a maniac, like I used to.
Boy, I had high expectations.
I remember discussing the issue of loosing my concentration and focus with my writers group at our last meeting. I was excited because the surgery could help with all of those issues. Well, for the first few weeks…nada. I’ve been wanting to, but the fact that I can’t really sit up for long periods of time kind of interferes with the whole writing process. (It is harder than you think to write for long periods of time while laying down.)
Last night as I lay in bed, well, more propped up in bed I wrote. For the first time in MONTHS I was able to really write. I felt like I accomplished something. I feel like I’m progressing. I’m doing what I want to finally!
It’s not a huge improvement in ways of me leaving the house, but it is for my head, for my concentration and my focus.
While the steroids (this is my 3rd day on them) is helping with the healing process, they’re wreaking havoc on my stomach and making me feel puffy. Side effects I can live with if it means me getting closer to that end result. A completely, 100% healthy me. A healthy me and the writer back.
I was completely paranoid before the surgery that the writer in me would disappear. The creative spark would vanish and I’d be left with…well nothing really. My writing is me. I am my writing. A lot of people don’t fully understand my passion for reading and writing, they don’t understand how I can sit and just write for hours on end. That’s okay. They don’t have to understand, they don’t even have to like writing or reading. I do though. I love it. It’s my calling. Some folks are passionate about being lawyers, business owners, doctors, or even just being moms, me…I’m happy when I write. (And when I mom. I am happy being a mom)
But, the writing suffered for a few weeks. I didn’t want to do anything but lay there. I still do at times, like right now. I just want to lay down and sleep.
I am a bit more focused now. I can write and not lose the concentration like I did before. It’s nice being able to stick to one thing and not have my mind wander.
For now, I’m going to watch Iron Man with the kids, then I’m off to write.