I’m in my late 20’s. (God, you have NO idea how much I hate saying/typing that…late 20’s. When the HELL did that happen?) And being like many other late 20er’s I have a family. Granted, mine started earlier in the 20’s than some.
Greg and I began dating when I was 20. We were off and on for 3 years before making things permanent. While engaged, we got pregnant with the boys. (Gasp, shock, horror…I wasn’t married when I got pregnant!!!) I’m not ashamed of it. The boys, my boys, are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Even if they drive me absolutely bonkers. But, hey, they’re my monsters. While pregnant, Greg and I did tie the knot. (Long story for a different post)
Fast forward 4 months from wedding day (I was 34 weeks along at the time) and our little bundles of
stress joy come into the world. For me, things became real the moment I peed on that stick and saw “PREGNANT”, for Greg, I think it was when he saw them in their little incubators for the first time (he was stationed in D.C at the time and with me being high risk we decided I should stay in Pittsburgh, closer to my doc I’ve had forever.) .
Having kids, while a blessing, is hard. It’s emotionally, physically and financially hard. It’s amazing how drastic the life change is. Even from being pregnant to holding them is such a life change. I’ll admit, when I first got pregnant, I had NO idea what I was doing or how to do it. The closest I got to being around a baby, was my adorably cute nephew JB. I also had an advantage to so many now a days, I was 23. (And I had my mom.) Yeah, I was an adult. A young adult, but an adult. Not a teen as so many are today. While I am NOT dissing teen moms, there are some who work their fingers to the bone doing whatever they can for their kids, I don’t support those who are teens and actively TRYING to get preggo’s.
My boys are turning 4. It’s hard to believe, soon they’re starting school, going out on dates, getting married ad making me a grandma. (I’m not looking forward to any of that FYI)
Back on point, when you make that decision to have kids, it’s no longer about you. You’re making that decision to bring another life into the world. Another human being. While I do believe that the ideal situation is to be married and settled before the kids, sometimes, things work out differently. Such as in my case. Sure the man and I were engaged, but he was states away from us. Did things work out for us? Yup. Do they always? Nope. Your life as you know it, is essentially over. No more all night partying every weekend. If you find a babysitter for a few hours or even over night, you can have a night out every now and then. Of course nights of getting completely shit faced are done because at 8 am, it’s time for the kids to get up. This is something I think a lot of people forget. You can’t do what you want to do anymore. (Even though some still do, those…those are not parents. Those are breeders who dump their kids off on anyone willing to take them. Again, that’s another post for another time. )
As the child goes from infancy to toddlerhood, you enter an entirely new part of life. The transition from
Is huge. The kids are actually moving, talking and learning once they get to the bigger stage.
Let me tell you, infant is easier than toddler, especially if you have more than one. As an infant…they can’t run off in separate directions and you don’t hear “Mom, mom, mom, mommy, mommy, momma, momma” all day long. I love hearing it. I really do, but sometimes you need just 5 minutes of quiet. (Thank God for Disney JR) Kids, they’re funny creatures. They have quite the imaginations and are hyper. Honestly, if my imagination wasn’t completely crazy, I wouldn’t get them. Eli, he can put a bunch of things together and create airplanes that turn into Superbat.
All in all, if you are in a stable relationship and ready for it, kids are great. If you’re still just a kid yourself or just not ready, don’t do it. Don’t have kids to fix a failing relationship. Kids only add stress and strain. As much as I love my boys, I’d lie if I said they didn’t strain the ol’ marriage a bit. What keeps the man and I together is our love for our boys, and each other. We still make time for “us”. Even if it’s just watching a movie after the kids are asleep. Our anniversary dinner? It was the four of us at home. (I’m still not quite okay enough to go “out”, in fact I go in for another CT Scan on Thursday morning.) Greg cooked while I sat on the couch. (I slept a majority of the day.) If you can handle spending most of your nights in, go for it. If you still want that partying, don’t.
And I’m not saying don’t take your kids places. We love taking our boys to see new things. In fact, in June, we’re taking them for their first trip (and mine) to Cedar Point with mom and dad (in law). The zoo, Kennywood, parks and anything else we can get in to and as the kids get older, we’ll get in to even more.
All in all, I do love having kids. My kids make my world. Greg and I, we generally do everything for them. Perhaps we could do more for us, but seeing the joy in the faces of our little spawn, makes us happy.
As a parent, expect to make sacrifices. Expect less for yourself, more for them. Also, expect less time for yourself. I live in sweats at home with a ponytail. My showers are 10 minutes long right after the kids get theirs.
I’m not a perfect parent. I’m far from it. I’m still learning with them. Every day is an adventure we take together. Some days are better than others, but I’m proud of what we created.
Okay, I’m stepping off my soapbox now.