Today is the day

I’m not used to waking up so early. Okay, except for Saturday’s and Sunday’s if I work day shift. But normally I get to sleep til 9 or 10. Today, today I was up by 4 am. Today is a day that I’ve been looking forward to and dreading for the past 2 weeks.
Today is the day.

As most of you read this, I’ll be on a ventilator with my skull cut open. But right now, at this moment, I sit in a waiting room with Greg. My bags are sitting on the floor and we don’t say much.

What is there to say? Whatdo we say?

It’s the waiting game now. Any minute someone, who I may actually know, will come out and call my name. They’re going to take me back so I can get my gown on and the IV’s in. Then…surgery time.

Even when I’m wheeled back to the OR at 7:10, a majority of you will probably still be sleeping. Snuggled up in your warm beds. I’ll be half-naked with a needle sticking out of my arm.

I promised Dr. Friedlander I wouldn’t be nervous. I swore I trusted him and that we’re a team, but I can’t help but be nervous. I can’t help but think about the what if’s.

This is my last post before I go under and they fix me up. These are the last words any of you will read from me before I have my skull cut in to. I’m not even entirely sure what to say. And if I did…how do I say it?

Yesterday I finished my cleaning and I was cranky. Really cranky. Miserable really. I had this horrible migraine, the kids were bad and the dog peed on the carpet. What a way to spend the day before surgery.

I was anxious to go to bed. For the first time in 2 weeks I was looking forward to bed. I didn’t want to see anyone. I didn’t want to talk to anybody. I wanted to be left alone.

That’s kind of how I feel right now. I just want to be left alone. No talking. No pity. No nothing. Just peace and quiet. Just sitting here in silence.

I know after the surgery I’ll be better. No more migraines. No more fatigue. No more anything, just feeling better.

Only 4 hours and I’ll be better.


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