Life of Tech Support


I’m not tech support.

I’m a HUC.

The husband…he’s closer to tech support than I’ll ever be. He’s an IT Associate.

But, I have to share this.

These are a few different calls that tech support in various locations has gotten calls about.

Tech Support: What kind of computer do you have?

Female customer: A black one…

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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my disc out.

Tech Support: Have you tried pushing the release button?

Customer: Yes, sure; the tray comes out but there’s nothing in it.

Tech support: Does disc content show up on your screen?

Customer: …Oh!…wait a minute…I hadn’t inserted it yet…it’s still on my desk…sorry…

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Tech Support: Click on the ‘My Computer’ icon on the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?

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Tech Support: Good day. How may I help you?

Male customer: Hello…I can’t print.

Tech support: Would you click on “start” for me and…

Customer: Listen pal, don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates.

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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says ‘Can’t find printer.’ I’ve even lifted the printer over and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can’t find it.

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Customer: I have problems printing in red.

Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah……….thank you.

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Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the carnival.

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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer…

Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk to the other side of the room.

Customer: OK.

Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes.

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that one does work.

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Tech support: Your password is the small letter “a” as in apple, a capital letter “V” as in Victor, and the number 7274.

Customer: Is the 7274 in capital letters?

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Customer: I can’t open Yahoo calendar.

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Yes…five stars.

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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer: Hotmail.

Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry…Internet Explorer.

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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

Tech support: …Who the hell transfered this call to me??

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Tech support: How may I help you?

Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that’s a good point. The guy sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine.

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And last but not least…

Tech support: Okay Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now hit the letter “P” to bring up the Program Manager.

Customer: I don’t have a P.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: “P”…on your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

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