I’m not tech support.
I’m a HUC.
The husband…he’s closer to tech support than I’ll ever be. He’s an IT Associate.
But, I have to share this.
These are a few different calls that tech support in various locations has gotten calls about.
Tech Support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A black one…
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my disc out.
Tech Support: Have you tried pushing the release button?
Customer: Yes, sure; the tray comes out but there’s nothing in it.
Tech support: Does disc content show up on your screen?
Customer: …Oh!…wait a minute…I hadn’t inserted it yet…it’s still on my desk…sorry…
Tech Support: Click on the ‘My Computer’ icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
Tech Support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello…I can’t print.
Tech support: Would you click on “start” for me and…
Customer: Listen pal, don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates.
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says ‘Can’t find printer.’ I’ve even lifted the printer over and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can’t find it.
Customer: I have problems printing in red.
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah……….thank you.
Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the carnival.
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer…
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk to the other side of the room.
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that one does work.
Tech support: Your password is the small letter “a” as in apple, a capital letter “V” as in Victor, and the number 7274.
Customer: Is the 7274 in capital letters?
Customer: I can’t open Yahoo calendar.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Yes…five stars.
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry…Internet Explorer.
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
Tech support: …Who the hell transfered this call to me??
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that’s a good point. The guy sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine.
And last but not least…
Tech support: Okay Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now hit the letter “P” to bring up the Program Manager.
Customer: I don’t have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: “P”…on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!