A letter to the garbage men who constantly break our cans.
Dear garbage men who come to our house,
Why do you insist on breaking our garbage cans?
The first can I can understand. It was our fault. Really, the first can was. We didn’t think about buying a high quality garbage can and bought the cheapest one that Wal-Mart offered. We learned our lesson. So we went out and bought a nice garbage can. It was a lovely can and it kept all the bags inside. It was neat and nice for you to pick up and dump.
But you broke that one too.
Perhaps it wasn’t as high a quality as you’re used to. So we bought another can. This time it was a very sturdy and good can. It was the best damn can on the block. I was proud of our garbage can. In fact, I was planning on writing our name on it very nicely. We were going to do things the right way.
But you broke that one too!
How do you break 3 garbage cans in 9 months? We’re out of ides Mr. Garbage man. We don’t know what will work for you. Shall we invest in some sort of indestructible plastic so that no matter how much you throw, toss and smash our cans it doesn’t break?
I’m not sure if our bank account will allow for a N.A.S.A standard garbage can.
We would appreciate it greatly if you would not break our newest can we plan on buying. We will be digging deep and spending a ridiculous amount of money on a trash receptacle. You do realize that I find it ridiculous to spend $50 on an oversized plastic tub that holds the dirty diapers and old food we throw out don’t you? I mean really, why do you have to break the damn can? You can’t just toss it to the side without ripping it in half? And just how do you explain ripping the can in half? I mean that isn’t an easy feat.
I mean really now, we’ve already spent approximately $80 on garbage cans this year so far and now…another $50. This makes me and my bank account sad. Very sad.
If this one breaks, I may have to load up a giant bag with nothing my children’s poopy diapers just for you. They can leave really nasty ones too. And it will be just for you. Remember that Mr. Garbage man, if you break our new can, you get a poopy bag.
All the parents who don’t have $1,000,000,000 to spend on N.A.S.A grade garbage cans.