Go out and…have an affair?

We finally watched The Little Fockers last night. I was disappointed in it. It wasn’t nearly as funny as the first two.

However, Rozz Focker gave good sex advice for couples…go out and have an affair.

What is this you say?

Have an affair? Don’t you preach about fidelity and how remaining faithful is the way to be?

Yes, I do. But having an affair could save your marriage. How is this possible and why am I telling you to have an affair? The same reason they did in the movie. Go have an affair with your spouse!

Seems odd and when I heard it I was a bit wary, but after thinking about it for a few minutes, it’s not bad advice.

Like I’ve said in previous posts, marriages and sex can become stale and boring. You and your partner can end up falling into a rut and do the same thing day after day after day. After spending so many years with one person, the intimacy tends to wane and flutter out.

This is when one spouse, or both, tend to get wandering eyes. They may be watching someone and wonder what else is out there? What are they missing? Then a conversation with someone of the opposite sex can get dangerously close to crossing the line, or they do. If it continues to stay at the border of inappropriate or slightly over it’s entirely possible that an affair can ensue. Even if it’s not a physical affair, emotional ones can be just as devastating.

So, why not spice it up? Even if it’s with a bit of role play, what’s it going to hurt? So you find out what you like and what you don’t like and if pretending to have an affair is for you, go for it. Pretending doesn’t make you a bad person, just a kinky one.

What do I mean when I say “pretend to have an affair”? Send dirty texts, send raunchy emails and make a “secret” plan to meet up at a hotel or restaurant. Go out and get a new outfit, get your hair and nails done and then go meet up with your lover. (Your significant other…obviously)

Even though you would be meeting up with the man/woman who you wake up next to every morning, the thrill of making it seem illicit and naughty could be the paprika that your marriage is looking for. Plus, who doesn’t like playing pretend every now and then? Who doesn’t like getting dolled up and going to a nice hotel? The change of scenery, a bottle of wine and some strawberries can help with the eliminating the dullness of every day life or sex.

Getting a hotel for the night or weekend is also another way you can act out some of your fantasies. You’re in a different place and no kids to worry about. You can let your imagination take off and do whatever you want.

Remember that a marriage is an adventure in itself and sometimes it just needs a little help. Even if that means pretending and doing other things that seem odd, but are thrilling. Marriage is a risky business. Unlike dating or having a “special” friend, feelings run deeper. There’s more to lose. You could lose your family. Your wife/husband and/or kids. Give spicing things up a chance before heading off for that actual affair. Who knows, you just might like it.



13 thoughts on “Go out and…have an affair?

  1. Ha, i wasn’t suggesting that it was some awful, evil thing. My point was that love making should never get boring, because it is not about the physical but spiritual.

    • It is about the physical though. Yes, it is a spiritual thing but it’s also physical. It’s that time that you can carnally know your partner. It’s your chance to explore their body and it does get boring if you don’t switch things up . I know that even in one night we can try 3 or 4 different positions or ideas.

  2. I guess I just view it as love-making rather than sex (where personal pleasure is goal).

    Guess we will just agree to disagree.

    Thanks for conversation.

    • You can role play and make love. I never said you have to be so illicit in the plans that you just hump and go. Some of my greatest love making was while we were playing pretend.

      Role playing isn’t this awful, devil invented thing. It’s just another way for couples to express themselves. Some like to be maids and doctors or pretend to have an affair with their spouse. It’s imagination and spicing up life.

  3. Mitchell, did you ever consider that you don’t have to pretend to be someone else necessarily if one of both of you aren’t comfortable with it? You could still be yourselves, just pretend you haven’t met yet or something. You’re so busy ignoring what Heather is saying and trying to twist it around that you’re not listening at all. It’s not about being unhappy in your marriage/relationship or wishing your spouse/partner was different. Not at all. She’s just saying it’s a way to change up the day to day routine and do something new (which can be fun and exciting if you ever give it a chance).

  4. But the point is, if you entered into a marriage with someone you presumably married them for who they ARE. Not who they will be.

    Asking them to change because you are bored is selfish. You should not have married them.

    And if something happens to husband where he cannot have sex. What happens then? You see how this is selfish?

    • It’s not asking them to change. At all. It’s pretending. It’s having fun and trying something new.

      I don’t expect my husband to change at all. If he’s happy with what he does, then I’m happy. Role playing for an hour and having fun with sex does not mean you expect that person to be that “character” forever. It’s simply having fun with your spouse.

      Also, role play and your spouse unable to have sex is nothing alike. If something happened and he was unable to perform sexually ever again…that’s fine. I wouldn’t expect him to try something I knew he couldn’t do. And like I already said, it has to be mutual. BOTH people have to want to try it. Which again, pretending to be a “character” for an hour or two doesn’t make that couple selfish. If one or the other doesn’t want to try it that’s when you start trying other things to spice up the bedroom.

      I’m sorry but having sex in the missionary position night after night after night is just no fun. It’s boring. It’s fun trying out new things with your partner. It’s fun seeing what the both of you like and what you don’t like. Exploring and going off the beaten path to find something that sexually satisfies both people is a fun adventure to have together. Doing this new things has helped both of us find ways to keep the other sexually happy and has actually helped our marriage. Trying new things helps me to feel closer to my husband. It helps me learn new things about him all the time. It also helps us communicate better. We tear down walls of nervousness or self consciousness by trying new things in bed and it helps us build bridges to communication. We’re willing to talk about new things that we wouldn’t have had we not tried that certain thing. Which then leads to more conversations and despite being married for 3 years, we learn new things about each other.

      So role play can not only be fun but be healthy for a relationship.

  5. Because then it is not about love but about getting what you want. What happens if your husband does not want to role play or do things you want? Do you leave him?

    Why does it get boring?

    • I know with my husband he’s all for it. He loves it actually.

      But if one person enjoys it and another doesn’t, that’s when they sit down and talk until they find something that is mutually satisfying for both people. If it’s not role play, then it’s something else. Some people may leave because of the unsatisfactory sex, but I don’t think that’s something divorce worthy. You just have to find a happy middle ground.

      If you do the same thing every night, the same position and what not it gets old. It’s mundane and there is no thrill. It’s as though you’re just going through the motions and when you’re being intimate with your spouse it shouldn’t be just going through motions. It’s your time to be close, to appreciate each others bodies and to become one. If you’re not having fun or not enjoying it…why even bother doing it? That’s when you have to find the paprika of your sex life with your spouse and for some that’s role playing.

  6. So without sex, what happens? Sex is either a union of the love or a means to getting off.

    Aren’t you basically saying that you don’t like your spouse how they are, so they need to take on another role?

    I don’t like the fact that you are a grocery store manager, could you pretend you are a powerful executive or something else. Don’t you think that is selfish?

    • I don’t think pretending or role playing is being selfish at all. It’s fun. It’s a time when you can be intimate with your partner and pretend that you’re a queen, a kind, a businessman or anything else you could possibly imagine.

      If it’s a mutual thing between the two people, and they both enjoy it, why is it wrong? I personally enjoy dressing up and pretending to be something else besides a housewife and playing with and having fun with my husband.

      Does it mean I don’t appreciate what he does? Or what I do? No. I appreciate that he’s a smart man who provides for his family, and I know he appreciates the fact that I stay home and care for the house and kids. But when you’re doing the same thing night, after night, after night…it gets boring. Spice in the bed can bring you closer and help keep both people sexually satisfied. Is role play and pretend for everybody? No, of course not. But if it’s what keeps a couple happy and from straying to another persons bed, why not try it out? And if both people find it to be satisfying and happy, why say that they are selfish?

  7. Hi, but doesn’t this diminish the reason for marrying them in the first place? I mean, a marriage is about love and though sex can be an expression of that love (can also be lust) it is only a coming together of 2 people who want to take 2 vehicles filled with love (for one another) and have a head-on collision.

    In my humble opinion, if we need to “spice things up” and role play, etc then we missed the mark of why we should have gotten married in the first place.

    Think of it like this. If a person is truly in love with someone, they are in love with them, EVEN of that person gets 3rd degree burns all over or for some reason cannot have sex.

    Love should be something that makes your soul sing just by being next to your mate.

    If a relationship loses its luster then perhaps it was one built on selfishness and not love. Love never gets bored.

    In my opinion.

    • I have to disagree.

      Once you fall into a routine, kids come along and you’re working 80 hours a week couples can tend to forget about their partners needs. You’re tired and that spark and just diminish.

      That doesn’t mean you don’t love each other, it just means that you need to do something to find that spark again and to rekindle the sexual feelings between the two people. The thrill of role playing and pretending can be fun, thrilling and ignite the burners of lust for one another. Which, yes, I think that a couple should not only be in love, but be in lust with one another. It’s fun throwing a little extra something into the bedroom (not another person…just fun.)

      I do understand if someone has a medical issue and can’t have sex. I’m not referring to that. I’m talking about 2 completely healthy and competent adults who just loose the passion. Who forget what it’s like to get the butterflies when they see their husband or wife.

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