We have all had friends. Some more than others.
While in school I didn’t have a ton of them but my tiny circle grew once I graduated and went out into the world.
Then I got pregnant.
As moms we don’t have much time for other people who are not our children. Not by choice. It tends to just happen. We’re so wrapped up in what our children are doing, taking care of them, the house, cooking and/or working that we don’t realize we haven’t talked to our best friend in 6 months.
The girls night out come further and further between. The go from once a week to once a month to maybe once a year to not at all.
We also begin to realize that those friends we’ve had forever, well, we just don’t have as much in common with them as we used to. Do we ditch them? No, well not on purpose. The simple fact of the matter is our childless friends (whether their decision or not) have completely different lives than us. Their priorities aren’t quite at the same level as ours. While they have to worry about themselves and possibly a bf/fiancee/husband they still have the choice to do things. We don’t really.
They don’t have to worry about the kids, getting them off to school/daycare/grandma’s, they don’t have to worry about keeping a toddler or two occupied all day and they have time to shower and do their hair. We usually don’t have time to pee in peace let alone shower and do our hair.
Our nights of bar hopping and partying with them are at an end. No more drinking as much as you can during $1 happy hour, you have to be responsible now. You have kids to look after in the morning whether you have a hang over or not. Remember, we don’t get sick days.
They can go to fancy restaurants, shopping whenever they want, movies late at night, dancing and crazy vacations.
We can’t do that without planning it. Careful planning which usually doesn’t happen how you want. As mothers we have to make sure everything is kid friendly, just in case.
The carefree days of being spontaneous end once we get those lovely blue lines on our pregnancy test. (Or the glaringly huge PREGNANT on the clear blue digital test) It is hard giving up what you once loved to do, but we do the craziest things for our children. Even rearranging our entire lives. Some of us will go to work 2 or 3 jobs so that our children have the best lives and others of us will give up our careers or working to become stay at home moms.
Now, it is possible to make new friends. Mom friends. There are others out there who know what you’re going through so don’t worry, you’re not the only one in the entire world who has to sacrifice friendship for the small people who have invaded your life. There are women out there who know what it’s like to not pee alone, to have to shout out of the shower for them to stop their fighting and to have to grow another set of eyes in the back of your head.
That also doesn’t mean you have to get rid of your old friends. You can still get together with them, talk and what not. Granted it won’t be nearly as frequent as it once was and it is possible that they will dump you like a sack of rotting potatoes because you’re simply “not fun anymore”. I know this is possible, it has happened to me. I’m no longer the carefree, fun spirit I once was. I’m a domesticated mother.Being a domesticated mother and not a wild party animal doesn’t always fit in with some others peoples lives. Does it bother me? Sure, especially when some of those people I’ve been friends with for a quite a while. And others, well they may be moms but they think they are better than you for one reason or an other. In reality they’re not, but if they want to act that way, who needs them?
I gave up drunken nights of debauchery (okay, not debauchery but…it sounded good. HA) for the life of a wife and mother. I didn’t just do it for the sake of doing it either. I was 23. Not entirely old but it was about time to get married, have kids and do the whole suburbanite thing that everyone says you should. I doubt I’m what the other suburbanite wives had in mind and when we buy our house, I’m sure the neighbors will be up in arms, but, oh well. (Seriously…I may have had drunken nights but not drunken nights of debauchery. I promise. My mother would have killed me if I had.)
I’ll have my mom friends and non mom friends over and have semi drunken nights. Wine coolers and margaritas ahoy!
(Moms can be fun at times too.)