As married life sets in for many newly weds that “wedded bliss” fades and dissipates. You get used to each other and become more like roommates than husband and wife. (Or wife and wife, husband and husband…whatever your marriage is it can become just as monotonous as any other.)
Some begin to search outside of the marriage for that excitement, love or whatever other feeling you think you’re missing.
Some get to wrapped up in work, to wrapped up in the kids or are bored.
It can be hard to maintain a healthy marriage and relationship once you say I do. Life does change afterward. You can’t just break up when you’re sick of the other person, things are no longer yours, his or hers. They are “ours”. Some couples go the route of joint checking accounts (Greg and I have a joint checking account) so money is no longer yours, his or hers. It’s “ours”. Property is no longer just yours, his or hers. It’s “ours”.
Finances can be taxing on a marriage, especially if one makes more money than the other, one is a stay-at-home mom/dad, one spends more money than the other, you have a tremendous amount of debt and your partner doesn’t (this isn’t always an issue though. I have more debt than Greg and it doesn’t really affect us much.).
If you don’t discuss finances and how the bank accounts, bills and what not is going to be done…this can lead to huge problems. For us, it just made sense to have a joint bank account.
If finances are putting a strain on the love, you need to sit down and discuss what’s the problem. Is it one person spending more money than the other? Not enough money? Or do you just need to make a plan? Whatever the issue is, fix it so that you can enjoy each other and bring back the love.
When kids come along you tend to focus all of your energy on them. Watching them, caring for them and it’s exhausting. Those who don’t have kids or work while the other parent stays home truly have no idea how exhausting being a mom/dad is. I’m tired and ready for bed by noon.
Being a parent can be the most taxing on a marriage. It’s not the kids fault. Not at all. It’s that by the end of the day all you want to do is sleep, not talk and snuggle and do the horizontal mambo. But, sometimes, you just have to find the time for each other.
I know by time Brett and Eli are put to bed the last thing I want to do is have sex…usually. I will admit though, even when I’m not in the mood it’s not that hard to get in it and quite frankly it helps reduce stress.
You have to remember that every marriage has its ups and downs. It’s how you handle those times that will determine how well your marriage will do. If you truly love that person and want to make it work, you’ll find a way. Whether it’s by talking, going to a therapist or rediscovering what it was that made you fall in love in the first place.
If there is one thing that you’ll take out of what I wrote…just try. Take a second honeymoon. Go out for a date night once or twice a month. Go rent a nice hotel room for the weekend. If you don’t have the money to do that, have a nice romantic dinner at home and go out for a walk, to the park or rent a movie.
Don’t loose the love and if you have/are remember the good times and find that love again.