The Relationship Guru

I have apparently become a relationship guru. I’m not sure how. Especially since my marriage isn’t perfect.

Whose is?

Either way I have a friend or two who will ask my advice on this or that when it comes to their relationships. The latest question I was asked was the age old question. “What is the most important thing in a relationship?”

I had to think for a little bit. What IS the most important thing that keeps a relationship going? What keeps you from leaving? From truly hating each other? What keeps the love there?

There is no one answer. At least not for Greg and I.

Communication is a big one. Something I struggle with myself. I tend to just keep my mouth shut and bottle it up until it just explodes and I turn into this wild eyed mad woman. It’s not pretty and she doesn’t appear all that often. Only once or twice in the 3 years we’ve been married. Being able to talk is a huge thing.

Another…sex. Yes. That big ol’ S word. SEX! The intimacy shared between man and wife (or man and man, woman and woman…whatever floats your tugboat, if you’re offended I’m accepting of gay men and lesbian women…I’m sorry. I don’t hate people for race, religion or sexual preferences. It’s their life and if that is what they enjoy and that person makes them happy…Who am I to argue?) Anyway, yes, I believe sex is important in a relationship (granted you’re NOT a teenager, I DO NOT promote teenage sex, AT ALL! Wait, wait until you’re older and can truly handle sex. Not only the emotional aspects but if you would get pregnant.) and in a marriage. It keeps that spark there and it’s the one time that 2 people truly become 1. You can explore your significant other and know them intimately.

Being understanding. Everyone has bad days, everyone gets tired and cranky, and despite loving someone with everything you are you won’t have everything in common. There will be things you disagree about. It helps being able to debate with them and whether you win or loose being able to go right back to what you were doing before.

Compromise.  ON BOTH SIDES!!! Not just the woman and not just the man, but BOTH OF YOU! Yes, sometimes you will have to do something you don’t want to do. Everyone who truly loves their significant others makes sacrifices every once in a while. Whether it be eating at a restaurant you really don’t like, watching a movie you hate, going somewhere you don’t like or, for you men, going shopping and putting on a smile and for you ladies who don’t enjoy sports, watching a game or going to a game and just pretending to enjoy it. Now, Greg and I don’t have the sports problem now. Yes, way back when I wasn’t the biggest sports fan…now…I’m completely obsessed with hockey. Namely, the Pens.
(PB & J I’m still routing for the Wings to loose BTW!!! lol)

Doing something just because. It’s nice getting breakfast in bed, getting to sleep in, flowers or a card just because. Doing something nice, no matter how small, can really be a big impact. When Greg folds the laundry or does the dishes, gives the boys their bath, changes the diapers or just rubs my neck for me…it shows that yes, he does care and yes, he does understand. When he sits there and lets me cry and vent after a particularly hard day it shows he cares, he understands. When he just grabs me and kisses me, I love it. Why? It’s his way of still showing he does love me.

Nothing. Being able to sit with someone and not saying a word but completely understand is an amazing thing. There are some nights when Greg and I can sit on the cough together, him on his laptop working on his gaming site, The Great Gaming Crusade, and me working on one of my books, and say not a word to the other and still feel that love. Enjoy being together and being able to see each other.

Getting out. Whether it’s together or separate get out of the house. Get a babysitter and just go out. Get with the respective friends and meet up at the end of the night for a few drinks together OR get all the friends together and go out together. Each couple is different and enjoy different things. Greg and I, we enjoy being together. Whether it’s with my friends or his,  we do things together. Now, lately, we haven’t done much. The kids are still young, not even 3, and we actually do enjoy spending our evenings at home watching movies with our kids. Every now and then we’ll go out sans the kids, but usually we take them with us. So, whatever works for you…DO IT!
And…arguing. Some may say I’m crazy or I don’t know what I’m talking about and maybe they’re right. But it works for us. We get out that frustration of whatever the other did and it’s out. It’s off our chest and we can deal with the situation. Now, if either of us gets too mad do we scream? Eh, sometimes. Do we hit each other? Nope. What DO we do? We walk away and cool down. We give each other space and after a while…whether it’s 10 minutes or an hour we talk.

So, communication, sex, be understanding, compromise, do something just because, nothing at all, going out and maybe just a small bit of arguing.

What do YOU and your significant other do to keep that spark alive? What do you do to stay together? How long have you been together?

I’d love to hear from everyone. Leave a comment and tell everybody your secrets on a successful relationship.


4 thoughts on “The Relationship Guru

  1. I truly believe that communication is key to a healthy and lasting marriage. Once communication breaks down, so does that marriage. I also agree that talking doesn’t always solve the problem. Sometimes you need outside help…i.e. a therapist.

    • Yea outside help does help bit only if both partners want.that. sometimes one of the partners just had to much and end up just giving up without thinking twice then in the long rub when it happens and they feel bad it will be to late sometimes to rekindle the relationship. You have to trust the one u are with bc if not there is nothing there. Both partners need to just stop and listen to eachother

      • I feel that when one partner refuses to even see a therapist, they’re already done with the relationship. I don’t think therapist can solve all the problems, that’s something the two people have to do, but they are a good outside view that can help you see your partners pov. Which, sometimes, we don’t bother doing. We have blinders on when we’re in the relationship. Unfortunately, like you pointed out, sometimes it is too late. The damage is done and one of them or both just don’t have any fight left. It’s a shame when a relationship gets to that point.

        Trust is also a key component in a relationship. I think that and communication kind of go hand in hand. If you don’t trust a person, you don’t want to talk to them. If you don’t talk you can’t get to the bottom of the problem. And nothing can drive a wedge in a relationship faster than not trusting and talking to your partner. You start to resent each other and then there is just tension and miserableness all around.

  2. I have been with my husband 5yrs and married a yr and 6 months. Just knowing no matter what the argument was about or how bad it was that we were able to talk and work.through it. Not saying that you can work all arguments out by talking it does help a lot.

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